My Testimony

I have been meaning to post this earlier but just never got round to it... but here it is and this way you can get to know me maybe a little better...I have never really shared my testimony because I never really felt like I had one. I have always grown up as a “Christian”, growing up in a Christian home. What I knew about Christianity was that Jesus died for me on the cross and rose after three days and He now lives in heaven and in my heart and I believed that (still do).

So really my testimony is not what some may perceive as dramatic or even “wow” – but actually for me, it is a “wow-feeling” – the realization of actually just what it is that Jesus Christ did for me.

So here it goes:

I was always “fine”. I have shed tears and then I will go on smiling again. At some times my faith was strong… and other times it was neglected. Sometimes I prayed more, sometimes I prayed less. I have even blogged on this platform on times my faith was stronger or my relationship with God was a little better. Yes, I am not perfect and I had ups and downs regarding my faith and relationship with Christ.

The real turning point in my life really only came this year (2017) – like I said I have always grown up to be a Christian and over the years even when I prayed, it was sometimes (not always) more of a ~I’m praying to shush my conscious ~ but I didn’t really have a relationship with God (does this sound familiar to anyone out there?)… My relationship, faith and prayer life was what the Bible refers to “lukewarm”…(See Revelation 3:16)

So middle January, everything was fine one moment… and then suddenly everything came down on me in the form of spiritual attack which at first I did not realize.

Before everything went south, I prayed “let this be a year of growth” (actually referring to my voice & drama studio in numbers and letting the children grow their individuality but I was not that specific when I prayed) and you know how some might say be careful what you wish for?.... well little did I know just how my prayer will be answered on a level I did not expect (how many of you guys get surprises from God like this?) anyway… back to the story...

WHEN THINGS WENT SOUTH

So, someone said a few very hurtful things to me (things that don’t need to be repeated on here) but every insecurity I have had, surfaced again, insecurities such as:

• ·         Wondering if I am good enough
• ·         What am I doing with my life?
• ·         Are the things people say about me (their opinions) the truth?
• ·         Will I ever be successful… I am a failure…
• ·         All of the above also caused stress, worry, anxiousness and fear.

There is a reason the word of God says to guard your heart (Prov4:23) AND to renew your mind (Rom 12:2) because my mind was filled with these negative things the whole time… and I fell into a state of depression. I wanted to sleep the entire time because I didn’t want to face another day. I remember asking myself if I will ever be happy again.

• When will this terrible sadness and loneliness stop.
• Will I ever experience joy again?
• Will my heart ever feel light again and beat faster because of excitement and not of anxiety?

The enemy was stealing my joy, killing my faith and destroying my self-worth. All of that resulted in the enemy stealing my passion, killing my relationships and destroying health.  (John 10:10)

I lost an extreme amount of weight and that had a huge impact on my overall health… I was starting to look like death. To myself, I looked like I was decaying.

It is crazy to think that all of this happened because of something someone said… but the Bible warns us in Peter 5:8 that: Be Alert and sober minded. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a hungry lion looking for SOMEONE to devour…”

He is looking for any opportunity to come in. The slightest opening and he barges in…

I was never a person that suffered with depression or anxiety… and this was the worst feeling ever. For the 1^st time I really understood what people who suffer from depression or anxiety must feel like. In this time I wasn’t sure if I will ever stop crying BUT in this time I turned to the ONE I knew was always there (See Hebrews 13:5)

WHY LORD?

I started praying again (real heartfelt prayers filled with so much emotion I cannot explain it in words other than fervently), reading the Bible looking for answers, searching, asking

“WHY LORD? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHY AM I SO SAD? WHY AM I SO CONFUSED?...becoming still and trying to listen… and I was continuously being reminded of the verse where Jesus says let the Children come to Me (Matt 19:14)…. It didn’t make sense at first but after doing some research I actually realized that this meant to be totally depended on the Lord, like a child would be on his parents, knowing that they are IN CONTROL. All at once everything made sense and I also remembered what I prayed at the beginning of this year – Let this be a year of growth…

SURRENDER and be RESCUED

The minute I surrendered every area of my life to Him, the One who is in control, He stepped in and rescued me. He saved me from the dark pit of depression and lifted me up in His loving arms and He took over completely… taking over the fight because I no longer had the strength to try. For me to grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally I had to become totally depended on my Father in heaven, knowing that He is in control and rediscover His unending love for me.

You see, Father God gave us free will and therefore He will Never force His perfect love on us but He leaves the choice to us. To accept Him through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ who died for our sins on the cross, we can experience the wonderful peace that surpasses all understanding that only God gives and enjoy the comfort of His Holy Spirit.

If anything from my testimony meant anything to you, please leave me a comment or tell me something about yourself. I would so much appreciate it.

Be Blessed in the mighty and powerful name of Jesus.

Tem